I guess I never told you that I used to have a boyfriend right? I suppose I didn't tell you coz at that time I felt it was too private to share. The relationship ended a long time ago, but I still remember it to help me learn from whatever has happened. I realise that at my age, having a boyfriend is tough. Especially if the guy is way older than yourself. Sometimes, there are boundries you just can't cross and it seems unfair to keep the relationship going. why keep that person from finding his one true love? I know now that in life you must let go your insecurities sometimes and just trust. Just believe in yourself and in life. Believe that everything eill work out and that one day, you'll truely be happy. Yes, happy.

Maybe you might read this and think that I am an extremely optimistic person. Well tell you what. I'm not. I'm as somber and as boring as well as, as moody as they come. I know it, I accept it. You must be saying 'accept it? You should change you attitiude' Yes, I agree with you, but for me I understand that some things in me can't be changed. I've been this way ever since I truely started growing up. At the age of 8 or 9, I already knew more adults than I did children my own age. I never blame my parents for this, because I believe that was what made me who I am. It's just that I guess from young I never had much of an interactive attitude towards my friends than compared with my father's staff.

I don't mind much about the life I'm living now, it's just that I'd prefer to be away fromall this nonsense and chaos of life.

Maybe I'll be able to end it one day.

well it's been a long time since I've last written. I can't really help it though. Life has been hard on me these few days. My parents don't know abt what I'm going through, but it's tougher in the real world I'm in. much tougher. I find I express myself better in writting than in speaking. I don't know why though. I suppose the reason may be that I truly am an introvert. But I guess I'm a mild one at that. I talk, it's not that I don't, it's just that if given the chance, I would be happy not to talk for days. It's because of the circumstances and situations I'm in that change the way I am. I'm not unhappy about being more social, it's just that sometimes, when I look at myself from the outside, I find myself so alone. truthfully, I see myself as totally alone. I have 'friends' as people call them, but none truely understands or knows who I am. Maybe that's why I distance myself. From people I mean.