Hey there D,

I've just finished interviews with the teachers of the council. I don't know what they think of me. It was kinda hard to tell though...hmmm. Well, all my friends actually said they would want me to become head councilor, but then, I am not too sure about my interview. It's not that I necessarily said something wrong or bad, it's just the qns they were asking me were more related to my studies rather than my abilities as a councilor.

Well, the truth is of course that my grades have been absolutely atrocious, but then, there is a reason, besides my slacking off.

In the first semester, I had a lot of competitions, mostly debating, I was involved in a lot of activities like camp...etc. I had council work to do, on top of all that I still came home to do recording for my mum - not that I mind that of course. But these things add up and I eventually, I think it led to my falling sick a lot. I practically missed 50% of my lessons because of falling sick. Even my friends say that they sometimes forget that I'm even in the class!

I don't know how everything will turn out, but I pray to god that everything will turn out for the best. I know that sometimes life will turn a way you don't expect, but if you try to make the best of what you're dealt with, then I guess you'll still reach your goal anyway, it's just a slight detour.

I love my work, I love the things that I am involved in, otherwise why would I do them? I know I will be very sad if I have to sacrifice my time on these things in order to do well or to achieve my goals, but I'll still be sad. Haiz.... well, I guess this is why I may not be entering many entries after this, I'll try though, but I most probably only manage doing one every two to three weeks. This is bad. :(

Well, on the bright side, I'll be going to chjimes on saturday for the 150th anniversary for all IJ gals! I'll be there for the opening ceremony because I am going to be the flag bearer. I'm not sure exactly what flag I'll be bearing, but I guess I'll get to find out this firday on the rehersal day.

After that, I'll be going to watch this stand up comedy called the two ex-cons(convent girls). The stars are koh cheng man and irene ang. The two big ladies with big talent! They were IJ girls too! Lol, guess that we IJ girls really do have it going for us huh?

Okay then, I think I am going off to do some work now, good luck and all the best teri!!

SMOOCHHH****

I woke up this morning crying.

I didn't realise it at first, but then a tear ran down my cheek. It was then that I felt my pillow's dampness. The last thing that happened in my dream was me shouting at my dad. He had done nothing to protect me from the sales' staffs harsh words, as well as my mum and I was feeling the most betrayed by him.

I know I was shouting and crying and yet he refused to listen to me. He just kept on talking and talking, refusing to listen to me. I was so frustrated. Even when I woke up and forgot most things, I remembered the feeling I had when I was shouting at my dad. It was the worst I've ever felt. I don't think I will forget this anytime soon.

Once I woke up, I could still remember some things from it, but I didn't want to because then I couldn't stop crying. So I calmed myself and went to the toilet to wash my face. I could see that my eyelids were swollen in the mirror. Splashing cold water seemed to help a little, but still, I could feel sinking feeling in my heart.

After that, It was like the water had cleansed me from my dream. I don't remember so much anymore. I only remembered that inccident with my father. That's all. I feel really hurt right now, even though it was just a dream. I don't know if it will turn out to be true though. I fear this because it has happened in my family that whatever dreams that we feel really emotionally linked to, it turns out to be true and it becomes reality.

I'll be okay eventually I think. I hope so anyway. I hope so.

Being at the Fair(suntec city) has put some things into perspective for me. Firstly, I can now understand my parents a little better and secondly, the business and lastly (also unfortunately)singaporeans a little better.

In business, there are a lot of grey areas and really, to succeed, you've got to be able to foresee those areas in which problems will arise. My mother did a good job on planning the booth. She also did a good job in booking the booth in exactly the right place. A little more to the left and we probably wouldn't have as much business to look forward to.

Now sadly, I can't say that I'm all too pleased about the way some of these singaporean customers act. They are absolutely vicious! Really vile things they are. Firstly, they bought a meagre pack. Then, they've got the guts to ask for a free gift! Then of all things, after we've politely and very thoughtfully obliged, they have the CHEEK to tell us that the free gifts are cheap!? What the hell do they expect! Coffee at starbuck with a $20 voucher for expressions so that they can skimmy their way into something remotely looking like a nice dress?! ARGHHHH! I really feel like stranggling them in their wake. Oh and there was this one customer that really got to me.

Firstly, she was so irritating, asking sooo many questions that were really so retarded. Then, she asked for a free gift. When I gave it to her. She asked for some more so that all her kids could have one. Now although irritated, I really didn't mind THAT much. Oh then, the next thing that happened really made me want to take out my machine gun and pummel her with at LEAST a million and one bullets.

Her sister now asked for a free gift too so that her daughter wouldn't complain! AND that BLOODY OAF which didn't even resemble a human didn't even buy anything from us and she expects a free gift? My god what has the world come to!!!! I'm shocked. REALLY.

I can't believe how some of these singaporeans are such bloodsucking theives. I truely spit at the. They don't deserve anyones pity and if in the end they do not succeed in life, I tell you they deserve the life of a miser. I wish that frog and evil toads rain down on them. Ahhh....the image really does calm me down.

Oh well, that's life for you, I'm so lucky I didn't explode in front of her face! REally I am. Such bitches they are. Usually it's the women that give so much trouble. The men aren't too bad, although they do have their moments where a machine gun would have been lacking in the importence of my need to kill. Something like a bazooka would have been better. Sigh....I think life really has a way of getting my panties in a bunch.
Okay, i gotta go...my father's oulling the plug out of the computer already.

Adios Amegos!!

Judging!!

That's what I'll be doing for the whole of this month or so. I'm a member for writing.com and I've joined a group of people who hold competitions and after the round judge each story and rate them for prizes. I like doing this sorta thing it really makes me feel pretty big. Hahahaha. But those poor poor ppl will be in for a tough ride as I take this role pretty seriously.

I think it's gonna be fun, reading the material others have. It'll be a fun exprerience and it will definitely help me improve in my work. I've of course passed the test for the esteemed role as a judge and I hope I will do them proud in the end. But really the most important thing would most likely be the criticism i give the people. I think it will ultimately help them improve on their work and become better writers.

All righty then, I gotta go. See ya soon Love.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching recently - because I was certainly quite convinced that I was lacking in that department - and I found myself uncovering certain things about myself.

The thing is, I realised that I like being happy.(BIG SURPRISE) Reason being because I'm usually mopping about, being grumpy and abusive. But nowadays, I'm different. I feel like I've changed or something. I'm no longer...me. If you can understand what I'm saying, then you must've felt it too. I feel like a totally different person and I'm not very sure I like this person at all.

I know I like the fact that I have more friends now because I've been socialising a bit more, but what about my duties as a councillor? Not that I don't do my duties, because I do, but I've realised something. The more I change into this other person, the more I feel like I'm losing my grip on the prize. The ultmate goal of becoming the head councillor.

My grades have been slipping no doubt, I'm sick more often than I should, but nowadays, I'm happy.

It's kinda weird. I like the stuff that's kinda happening to me, but then again I loathe the feeling of losing something that I had built so hard a reputation to get. I'm losing my status in school. I'm sure many people knows who TERI is, but do they know who I am? this feeling is really unexplainable so, if you've never felt i before, than sorry, you won't undertand a thing I'm saying.

But that's the thing, not many people understand me. I'm not sure if anybody understands me.

I'm being serious in my blog because I think this is the only place I can be serious nowadays. And when I mean serious, I mean totally, honestly, brutally, serious. I can't be like that in school. because then people won't take me seriously. They'll just think I am having some sorta bad day or something.

So here dear diary, I've bared my soul to you so get to work, fix it!

Ok erm... here's a song from me... Lots of um hmm confusion. Enjoy!
Song

Don't hold me back now
Don't let me go
I don't what to do
Don't know where to go

If I knew what to do
Where would that leave you
If I knew where to go
Would I come back yeah

Seeing things so different
Feelings the same
Clarity bluring
Don't remember my name

I'm pushing away
I'm hiding within
I'm so confused
Don't know where to begin

Oh yeah

I love you
I hate you
I want you
I leave you

I'm so confused

I need you
I feel you
I see you
But I want to run

Something's wrong
But I don't remember
What's the thing about
What's going wrong

I can't feel
But I hurt
There's something going on
In my heart

The world's caving in
But I feel so alone
Make me feel
So alone

I love you
I hate you
I want you
I leave you

I'm so confused

I need you
I feel you
I see you
But I want to run...

Need to run
Love
Hate
Want
Leave
Need
Feel
See

But I want to run...

ARGH!!! I hate the fact that life seems to be in continuous motion! Why can't it just stop for a few minutes for someone like me to catch up with it....aiyah but then again time waits for no man.

I am currently sitting for my mid-yrs and am having a weird time. I feel slightly happy coz I know that this is the only period of time where I won't have to sit in front of my teacher and look interested in whatever boring thing they are saying, but then again, I'm also sad. Coz I have to study hard and keep memorizing things!

I am not a student by nature. There are some people, I realise, that are born certain things. Born with an inclination and with a genius at certain things. I am certain things, but definitely not a very good science or maths person. I am more of a...well arty farty kinda gal.

I take literature and am absolutely raging mad at the fact that I have gotten the most damning literature teacher! She's not done literature in over 20 yrs! And she's teaching us? Oh god....and the reason why the school found it appropriate?

Well, simply coz, the actual literature teachers are all on maternity leave... can you imagine? Both lit teachers are pregnant around the same time. Ugh so unfair. This world I tell you is getting more and more outrageous as the years get on.

Last yr, I thought I had the worst luck because My all original masterpiece of about 200 pages (novel) got eaten up by my bug infested computer!!! I am disgusted with myself for not backing up myself, but I thought it was safe... It's gone. Lost in the void that is endless and eternal. Haiz..

This yr however has got to be ten times worse...firstly, my teachers, next my subjects and last but definately not the least, my new novel!! I was up to about a 100 over pages and guess what? It happened again! My stupid computer gulped it down like an espresso coffee or sumthin.....urgh... I'm mad.
Ok lah, gotta go liaoz...till nxt time.

Hey there D, I've finally been invested as a student councillor. Well, actually I was invested a very long time ago, but I just couldn' and hadn't the time to update you. In fact I shld be studying right now. Argh. I feel so guilty. You know what I've realised? That I am pretty good at writing children's poems! Isn't that amazing? Yeah well, I didn't know it until I accidentally wrote one by accident then well, the next one definitely wasn't an accident any more. I hate my teacher this yr. I thot everything would go well for me, but instead I end up not liking my teachers at all this yr. I got teachers that I didn't want or like and even teachers that I didn't know. The only consolation is that I can can home and forget abt them for a few minutes....

I love to read and lately, I haven't had much time to do it. A little saddening, but well what to do? this is the life of a busy girl. Me.

Gotta go do other stuf.I will try to update more, but no promises! :)

Love and kisses
T.T

Wow...it's been a long year. The new year is here again and it's supposed to be the 'monkey' year. Sec 3 camp has just finished, LTC has also just finished and the new LTC for 2004 is the new upcoming one. For this new one...I think I might become an instructor. My skin is peeling right now. Feel like a snake...the skin is just flaking off me....eww almost like dandruff! My body is the walking dandruff flaker! My face isn't as bad as compared to some of my other friends. Their sunburn was totally worse than mine. But then again, there are others who didn't even get sunburn at all! Argh.... frustrating. I green with envy right now. Basically, it's only my forehead, nose and neck that's flaking. The rest of me is not tho it has morphed into a dark shade of brown. These few days, I've noticed a slight change in my personality. I'm not so moody anymore. I'm still moody, but I'm a little bit happier now. Strange, but true. Perhaps it was the camps that did it for me? Who knows. I certainly don't. Lately, I've been helping some people over the internet to beta their stories. It's a fun experience, reading the stuff they write. As much as I can, I try to inspire them too! I also give added info on the stuff they need for their pieces of work! Of course, being a beta is hard work, editing isn't as fun as it seems, coz of all the mistakes an all, but in the end, the product is satisfying. I have to go now, but I'll try my best to come back and update more often. Oh and before I forget, I've started writing another story. About an assasin. This should be fun! :)